Good evening, I'm from Essex..........

 .......in case you couldn't tell.
Wot's the difference between an Essex girl and an Alsatian?
A bag of chips.
It's obvious to all that it's Sa'dee night and I'm IN.
Thanks to that man and his Microsoft
I remain cyber-gaged incommunicado.
Yeah forget the bedtime story my blue eyed son.
And where have you been my darling young one.
(round to Callum's for band practice).
This precious pearl moves in a cloud of humid Lynx,
struggling in the hormonal cusp between
Horrid Henry and muscley hairy.
Meanwhile I'm eyeballing the screen
as their lives pass me by
on jet propelled heellies.
Time's Winged Chariot etc.
Speaking of which, Googleguyhas
threatened to
disengage me if
I remain idle.
"I'm afraid you can't do that, Dave"
(yet again)
Hurray for Linux.
Here come the Microsoft Police.